Vag Hand

I've been completely negligent with posting. Even my blog-alarm has been sensibly overridden either by my own activities or by Ginger who knows better than to let me remain stuck to a chair at work to force a blog entry out of me while my bosses glare over my shoulder (which hasn't happened yet, thankfully!)

Well, I suppose that there's not much to report. Two kind of interesting things; one around a trance I only "know" happened but don't remember specifically, and the other a few minutes of me rambling on about how interesting the human mind is.

With the last trance with Sharky, I was given a "vag hand," as I've started calling it. This is another trigger - don't ask me the words, I don't remember - where when spoken, a unique symbol appears on my left hand, that looks something like |;|.

This |;| represents my vagina (and knowing that I think you can see the resemblance). This symbol is connected to my puss, so that when I - or ostensibly, others though this has yet to be tested - touch, lick, or otherwise manipulate the palm of my hand, it's as if they've done the same thing to my nether regions. Of course, this is only applicable when said symbol is up and running. Thank God. Imagine trying to type with that thing on. I dare you!

My other thoughts are in regards to Sharky's latest post. What I find most intriguing, especially for me, is how intensely and clearly Celeste visualizes her trances, how she "sees" herself (literally) going deeper, and how strangely different that is from my own experiences. It brings a whole new level of fascination to the arena for me. As I think is fairly obvious from other blog posts, I'm a very, very word-oriented person. I'm a feeler. I use descriptors the way some people use caps lock far, far too generously. I have never been able to visualize a single thing in trance, not once; even when told to visualize, my idea of that is centered around words. Feelings. How I "sense" the situation. I suppose this is why I never remember dreams, but always awaken with certain feelings I would associate either with goodness or badness.

Anyway, I thought Sharky's latest entry brought to life a very important thing for all hypnotists to remember: each and every subject is different and utterly unique, and it's impossible to say just how someone will react. There are standards, sure, but I think it misguided and misplaced to impose those upon subjects.

Thoughtlessness and Wonder

So as I promised in one of my recent posts, I intended to describe to you what this blank trigger that Sharky “installed” felt like. I’m feeling lazy after writing a trance script, however, so I decided just to give you the low-down this way. ;) Besides, there’s nothing like initial reaction!

[21:44] Sharky: but first lets see your new trigger see how it feels ok?
[21:44] Scorpio: Okay.
[21:45] Sharky: Scorpio, go blank, slowly and tell me all about how it feels
[21:45] Scorpio: Mmmmm its like i'm bleeding
[21:45] Scorpio: bleeding all my thoughs away
[21:45] Scorpio: poke a hole and out they goaway
[21:46] Scorpio: coooold now
[21:46] Sharky: but it feels good dosnt it Scorpio
[21:46] Scorpio: away they go and i dont want to think anymore
[21:46] Scorpio: good to be mindless
[21:46] Scorpio: yes
[21:46] Sharky: and just sit there for a while and let yourself feel blank now
(There’s about three minutes here where Sharky leaves me hanging thusly mindless)
[21:49] Sharky: and Scorpio, time to come back, human time, slowly
[21:49] Sharky: and let me know how it feels too
[21:49] Scorpio: warmer now
[21:49] Scorpio: feels like drinking soup
[21:50] Scorpio: when you're cold and numb from being outside and you sip a bowl of soup and it warms you all over
[21:50] Sharky: and do you remember your blank time?
[21:50] Scorpio: Not as a memory. I don't know how to say it. I remember it but I don't remember it. I was here but my mind wasn't.
[21:50] Scorpio: I just was.
[21:51] Sharky: :)
[21:51] Scorpio: I was just a body.
[21:51] Scorpio: Like anything else. Like my chair. Nothing, but something.
[21:51] Sharky: and Scorpio, remember now
[21:52] Sharky: because this was a very unique kind of trance wasnt it
[21:52] Scorpio: That was the strangest thing yet Sharky.
[21:52] Scorpio: That's even more bizzare than stepping out, and that's freaky every time. Freaky, but good.
[21:53] Scorpio: I'm still kind of cold though. Hands and legs are frozen but they're unthawing as we speak.
[21:53] Scorpio: Wait. Did you bring me out or did Ginger?
[21:53] Sharky: ginger brought you out too :)
[21:53] Scorpio: All I know is that you were telling me I was coming back to consciousness.
[21:53] Sharky: and the memories went away :)
[21:54] Scorpio: Yeah. O.o
[21:54] Sharky: the funny thing is that if you really think about it the most real thing about trance is the trance itself
[21:55] Sharky: and having that slow down and happen outside of your awareness at first as it envelops you is probably the one experience that's most real

This was another time with the blank trigger:

[01:06] Sharky: you doing anything btw ?
[01:06] Scorpio: Not currently. *Eyes.*
[01:06] Sharky: Scorpio, go blank very slowly
[01:06] Sharky: that should occupy you then :)
[01:07] Scorpio: going to spank you
[01:07] Sharky: you can try holding on to your thoughts
[01:07] Sharky: see how long you last
[01:08] Scorpio: can feel them sliding out of me warm and soft
[01:08] Sharky: keep describing the feeling to me
[01:08] Sharky: lets see how long you'll take
[01:09] Scorpio: everything goes with them all feeling all sweetness all light gone going dimming falling collapsing and melting
[01:09] Scorpio: pouring out of the bbowl
[01:09] Scorpio: feeling cold but that is going too
(Three minutes seems to be the length of time it takes me to lose most all ability to think)
[01:12] Scorpio: hard now
[01:12] Sharky: of course it is
(Blank for a whole eight minutes now)
[01:20] Sharky: Scorpio, human time, slowly
[01:20] Sharky: and describe yourself coming back as well for me please
[01:20] Scorpio: eerie
[01:21] Scorpio: steady with each breath another handful of thoughts
[01:21] Scorpio: memories
[01:21] Scorpio: colder again like frost crawling up my spine
[01:22] Scorpio: dizzy
[01:22] Scorpio: aware but baffled and struggling to catch each one as it returns
[01:23] Sharky: that was a fairly long time to be blank there
[01:24] Scorpio: It was ... as bizarre and otherworldly as ever.
[01:26] Sharky: :) I'm glad
[01:26] Scorpio: My head hurts again. ><;
[01:26] Sharky: is it bad?
[01:27] Scorpio: Not really.
[01:27] Scorpio: Just an ache behind my eyes and that coldness everywhere.

/end

Also of interest, I have surrendered my orgasms for a week from Sharky to The Girlfriend … as per the agreement, I cannot orgasm, or make myself orgasm, without The Girlfriend’s permission … for the whole week. Being a prideful person, and what have you, I hate to ask for anything, anything at all - and this especially will be difficult to ask for! Kinky, and so sexy, because The Girlfriend is a total dish … what an exquisite torture!

Of All the Curious Things.

Well, I'm sure you've all seen the Shark's entry and the first thing I have to say for this post is that he gives me far too much credit as the subject and not enough credit to himself, the hypnotist. A willing mind is important, but a clever one is needed to cultivate the experience to its truest height and Sharky certainly is capable of that.

This weekend, as he said, has been very interesting. Again, I'm always at a loss as to where to start. I think the two things I want to detail here are the blank trigger, and the vacation time trigger. ><; It's a good thing he's writing these all down, because while my subconscious may remember them all, I don't think I do. I have a notoriously awful memory (just ask my boy-friend, he complains about it all the time). But it's peculiarly easy for me to remember - when allowed - what has gone on during trance (usually). Anyway, I can tell I'm getting wordy again so let me try and cut this a little short.

Just a few days ago I had mentioned to Sharky that I was interested in sensory deprivation; loss of hearing, or sight, or touch - or the seeming loss of them, as he pointed out just last night, that the most real thing about hypnosis is the trance itself. I'm guessing this got his excellent mind rolling, because it was maybe a day later that we had a very interesting session where he took away all of my senses - and, curiously, sent me on a wonderful vacation. It wasn't a gradual thing, really, not like he said, "Scorpio, you can now hear nothing of your surroundings." No, no.

I'm not sure what this one is called, but I'll describe the sensations to you as it happened. As I faded away, as I became nothing more than my thoughts, my mind, just my wandering ideas, the subtle whispers of my own conscience, it was as if I was being hooked up to an air balloon by my feet. And as the air balloon took off, lifted, it pulled me along with it, and like a stretchy, gooey puddy toy myself, my physical self, very simply drifted away. Floated off. Pulled by the balloon into the unknown. My skin, all the little parts of my body, it was such a peaceful trip - away, away, away I went and I, as I know me, as I know my body, was no more. I simply was. I existed. I had thoughts. But no sensations.

Remarkable. Terrifyingly amazing. It was really a delightful experience, and it was in this way that Sharky sent me on a vacation, soothed and rejuvinated. And the minutes, they felt like months upon months, upon years. It was as if, at last, I got to catch up with all of the sleep I've lost in the last few years since having my son. Truly and utterly amazing. :)

I could go on about this for paragraphs and paragraphs. This was in response to how it felt to "hear" his voice, feel his thoughts in my mind while I could not physically see/hear them:

[14:15] Scorpio: like little tickles touching my brain matter

[14:16] Scorpio: poking at it like little fingers that are words that you are saying to me

[14:16] Sharky: hmm, so I wonder what it feels like... just out of curiosityscorpio, Good girl

[14:17] Scorpio: Oy lord that was like you put an electrode to my brain and pressed the red button several times.

[14:17] Sharky: :)

[14:17] Sharky: alright scorpio, human time

[14:18] Scorpio: So you should blog about this one 'cause this is pretty out there. My brain throbs now inside my skull. ><;

[14:19]Sharky: could always take another vacation

There is the other trance to talk about, the one that got me so excited I was literally and completely compelled to document the mental imagery that filled my mind so completely afterwards and I was allowed to remember. This is the blank trigger that Sharky mentioned in his post from this morning. I was so enthralled by his brilliant idea, that I even wrote a script based on his and my logs of the trance and the resulting trigger. I wanted to put my own ideas and images and words to it, both to give Sharky something of a standard if he decides to use this trigger on others and for my own uses. Maybe one or the other of us will showcase it eventually!

I'll have to tell you more details soon. :)

How the Memories Flow..

Well. I'm not even sure where to start; and coming from me when usually the words flow so comfortably, that's a statement to take into consideration. I don't think you'll find much below in the way of well-crafted, shapely prose meant to stimulate your imagination or fondle your senses, but hopefully at the very least I can convey in some small measure my first few experiences being under at Sharky's talented hand.

The First Touch of the Deep:

There was at first a comfortable sense of ease as Sharky's words began to roll up the screen, like raindrops on a windshield durning a high wind. Fascinating and curious to watch, intriguing so that I was compelled to focus only on those words and what they meant for me. As a single mother, I don't find much in the way of relaxation. Even my sleep is fitful, filled with worries and concerns and troubles; any number of things that, perhaps, mean so little to others but so much to me. But as those words, those tender words which sought to bring me comfort and in their own way a kind of mental release, scrolled across my screen I could feel a true and solid sense of relaxation and peace settle through my flesh. I wanted only to see the words, to feel them; deep within I wished that they would scroll on forever so that I might never have to leave this blissful serenity which seeped not just through muscles and bone but mind as well. Washing away worries and doubts, and simply allowing me to "be," in a very Hindu-esque kind of way.

Though I sit here and focus so hard on the deeper memories there's so very little that I remember, at least in the tangible sense that most "memories" are thought of in. There are no images, vivid or otherwise, there are no sounds or songs that stimulate my inner-file cabinet and allow me to recall with more clarity. Only the gentle, persuasive understanding that I wanted this to happen more than anything and that I was so well rewareded by being a Good Girl. A very good girl! Oh, and I wanted that so badly, worse than I wanted just to forget the world for awhile, worse than I wanted to only hear Sharky's voice. That phrase filled me so completely with pride and joy, with glee, with anticipation, with desire to please so that I might hear it again. It tickled my insides like frenzied butterflies and wrapped my mind in a comfortable warmth that ached to be preserved.

What I remember most distinctly was the presence of my very best friend Kitten in the room with me the entire time. Distantly, I recall her cell phone ringing once or twice during the trance, and pointing at her to tell her that, "The monkeys are trying to steal my purse!" She was a comforting inspiration, and unwitting lifeline of support; having been put under by Sharky herself more than once I was soothed in knowing that to all appearances she was still just the Kitten I knew and loved.

When the count from five to one was over, when I was back to myself, before being allowed to remember, I felt wonderfully languid and at ease. My mind was soothed and my heart was full of the praise and pride that being such a very good girl gave to me. When I was allowed to remember, when Kitten spoke my trigger phrase, my immediate feelings were ones of disappointment. Not in the process, or the hypnotist, or myself, just that the feelings of serenity and peacefulness, the true penetrating relaxation which I experienced, was so short! Selfish me, I wanted it to last so much longer..

I'm so grateful to Kitten for being my dearest friend and Sharky for swiftly becoming one, and for his willingness, patience, and cleverness when playing in and out of trance with me.

So much has happened since that first trance, I can't wait to tell you more!